Parenting and The End of The World

Mr. Christopher from Corner Stork baby Blog with another crazy list that you all love to get from me.  As crazy as it is to pay someone to take their baby’s photos in the first place, look at how much money was dished out for these celebrity babies;

To start let me make mention of two stars that had babies that did NOT make it into the top 10 even though they are bigger stars than many of these folks below are which is really shocking to me.

12. Sean Preston born to Britney Spears and Kevin Federline is a true shocker that they only got $500K for the babies photos, but once you see the other paychecks in the top 10, you’ll be very surprised. Photo.

11. Kingston born to Gavin Rossdale and Gwen Stefani brought in a paltry $575K. Photo.

And now for the top 10.

10.
Baby’s Name: Maddie Briann Aldridge
Born: June 19, 2008 in Mississippi
Parents: Jamie Lynn Spears and Casey Aldridge
Amount: $1 million from OK! Magazine
Details: Little sister to pop wreck Britney Spears, Jamie Lynn Spears is a star in her own right since she is Zoey in the Disney hit Zoey 101. Surprisingly Disney has stood by their little star amidst all the drama in the Spears lineage and her outbursts to gawkers in airports. They even altered the storylines to the last episodes and sent her off to another country while she had her child. Regardless, Jamie and Casey sold out to OK! Magazine for a reported $1 million dollars (cue the pinky to the corner of your mouth). But it’s still twice as much as her older sister made for her baby.

9.
Baby’s Name: Harlow Winter Kate Madden
Parents: Nicole Richie and Joel Madden
Amount: $1 million from People Magazine
Details: Nicole traded in her “do me” pumps and short skirts to grow up and have a baby with her boyfriend Joel Madden (from Good Charlotte). With her only claim to fame being a party girl, Paris Hilton sidekick and daughter of Top 40 daddy Lionel, she decided that the timing was right to procreate. Lionel paid cash to give the couple a home to call their own as a gift for the baby and People magazine gave them $1 million to take a photo of their offspring. Those 2 baby gifts alone are a pretty good jump start to a baby’s life. Well, anyone’s life actually.

8.
Baby’s Name: Honor Marie Warren
Parents: Jessica Alba & Cash Warren
Amount: $1.5 million from OK! Magazine
Details: Jessica Alba had been toiling over the thought of selling her baby photos, but according to TMZ eventually gave in to OK! magazines $1.5 million dollar offer made to her and husband Cash Warren. Honor’s photos will be her first available anywhere and also includes one other event which could be a birthday, Christmas or any other holiday that the couple chooses in the child’s first year.

7.
Baby’s Name: Max Liron Bratman
Parents: Christina Aguilera & Jordan Bratman
Amount: $1.5 million from People Magazine
Details: Christina did her best to keep her pregnancy a secret like Jennifer Lopez did, but was outed by Paris Hilton at a Los Angeles party where she announced it from the stage. Christina immediately hid her face in embarrassment because that was not the plan. But when has Paris ever stuck to a plan? So the pop star and her beautiful newborn baby appeared on the cover in February of 2008 issue along with a deeper view into the pop princess’s life.

6.
Baby’s Name: Dannielynn Smith
Parents: Anna Nicole Smith & Larry Birkhead
Amount: $2 million from OK! Magazine
Details: Many are still mourning the passing of Anna Nicole Smith, but she left behind one heck of a mess and a custody battle that would be the headline story on both TV and print for months and months to come. When the dust finally settled, Larry Birkhead via a paternity test was finally proven as the father. So he did what any good father would do and cashed in on a $2 million dollar offer from OK! magazine for photos of him and his daughter. Considering that $2 million is chickenfeed for OK!. Compared to the quantity of magazines they sold as a result, they were more than happy to pay for Dannielynn’s college.

5.
Baby’s Name: Pax Thien (post-adoption)
Parents: Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt
Amount: $2 million from People Magazine
Details: Consider that this won’t be the first time you see their name on the list as you read on, but this was the first time they came to the realization that their offspring, even adopted, could bring massive amounts of cash. All of which (here and moving forward) that they would donate to African children’s charities. Pax was adopted by couple Brad and Angie from Vietnam in 2007. They also sold rights to publish the photos to the British magazine Hello! which is the only reason why they took the #5 slot from Dannielynne.

4.
Baby’s Name: Levi Alves McConaughey
Parents: Matthew McConaughey and Camila Alves
Amount: $3 million from OK! Magazine
Details: Matthew McConaughey may look a little lite headed, but he saw the dollar signs right out of the gate and hired Todd Shemarya to broker the deal. Todd’s previous work had included Brad and Angie’s $4 million dollar deal. The baby’s photo will be released for all to see very soon, but since the baby was just born on July 7th, the happy parents are probably holding back for a little bit. But considering the parents genes, there isn’t any possibility of an ugly baby. This offer also includes OK!’s option to take a photo of a future special occasion such as a birthday or other holiday event.

3.
Baby’s Name: Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt
Parents: Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt
Amount: $4.1 million from People Magazine
Details: This was the first baby photos for Brad and Angie showcasing their first official offspring that was biologically theirs. Shiloh was their very first as a couple and many in the industry were surprised that the pockets weren’t a little deeper, but just like in the past (and future), all of the proceeds went to charity. Realistically they should be in slot #2 because they also received $3.5 million from the British tabloid called Hello!

2.
Baby’s Names: Max & Emme Anthony
Parents: Jennifer Lopez & Marc Antony
Amount: $6 million from People Magazine
Details: I don’t think it’s any surprise that we should expect an album from the offspring to be on the Top 40 charts somewhere between 15-20 years from now. And a dozen labels waving money in their faces as they step off the karaoke stage. Inheriting pipes from both mommy and daddy, there should be a lot of singing in these kids future. The twins from Jennifer Lopez and Marc Antony held the number one most expensive celebrity baby photo slot until Brad and Angie’s stepped onto the scene…

1.
Baby’s Names: Knox Leon & Vivienne Marcheline
Parents: Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt
Amount: $11 million from OK! Magazine
Details: Even though the AP reports that this number is $11 million, some reports have it somewhere between $15-20. Admirably enough, the money will go to a charity in Africa and not into their pockets like they have done in the past. Like they need money. But instead of adding more zeros to their bank account, they decided to use it to help those less fortunate. The issue displaying the baby photos (as of this writing) hasn’t been released yet, but we’re definitely interested to see what an $11 million dollar photo shoot looks like. Just make sure you have a nice baby memory book from Corner Stork Baby Gifts to place these photos into.

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Mr. Christopher tuning in.  I’m sorry but I MUST chime in on this ridiculous uproar over the Miley Cyrus photo found in Vanity Fair.  For those uninitiated, here it is.

Now I have 2 daughters, 5 and 12 and another one on the way. This is not kiddie porn and for those that think it is, get a life.  If we were holed away on some Amish farm this may be considered smut, but we’re not.  To start, my daughters will never see this photo except when they plaster it all over the TV because they don’t read Vanity Fair believe it or not.  Secondly, I’ve read this other ridiculous blog post that I won’t even link to insinuating that Disney is trying to turn our daughters into whores.  I personally take offense to that.  That’s a crock of crap and his blog should be revoked for such idiocy.

For those just tuning in, these photos were taken by the world famous photographer Annie Leibovitz, that has taken simply gorgeous photos of world famous musicians and artists like John Lennon, Demi Moore, Sting and on and on.  There was no sexual message in this photo.  It was an artistic endeavor.  Additionally, how many 12 year olds have you seen riding the subway with a copy of Vanity Fair?  Kids don’t read Vanity Fair.  This article was written for adults to give older generations a deeper look into who she is.

And lastly, there’s not one famous artist or musician ANYWHERE that has reached her level of fame that hasn’t taken a photo like this.  This girl is forced to be this poppy teen full of glitter and happy thoughts.  When she finally gets a chance to feel grown up and beautiful, everyone jumps in to take stabs at her.  I for one am thrilled to have someone like Miley and her parents for my daughters to look up to and anyone who says differently obviously has misconceptions of how difficult it is to be famous.  I’ll take Miley over Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan any day of the week.

In a world that needs to be focused on what’s going on with our country with the current election fiascos, terrorism, war, inflation, rising oil prices, and a host of other atrocities, it just amazes me how many lemmings are out there that get so easily sidetracked and derailed for a simple glamour photo.  Miley, just keep doing what you’re doing.  Ignorance may not be blind, but it’s extremely loud.  Put in the earplugs.

Mr. Christopher from the Corner Stork Baby Blog reporting once again. Jamie Lynn Spears and her sister Britney Spears have probably seen more of Hollywood’s dark side than you or I could ever hope to see. And apparently, according to MSNBC, that’s exactly why Jamie Lynn Spears is picking up her pregnant self and heading to LA. That would be Lousiana.

According to the reports, Britney helped to pay $30,000 to build an ocean themed nursery in her home located in the small town of Kentwood, Louisiana for the offspring of Jamie Lynn’s baby to be. Obviously Hollywood has little to offer the Spears family outside of negative press and misery. Most of which is self inflicted. The nursery will be designed by Petit Tresor, the same baby specialty store that designed 3 of Jennifer Lopez’s nurseries. It goes to show that if you got the deep pockets, they can probably get you diapers that change themselves.

So far, Jamie Lynn has picked the “Round Crib at Sea” for a mere $1,150, a “Bliss Nursery Dresser” for a grand and also organic bedding and baby blankets made by Robbie Adrian. Britney also ordered a custom-made, six foot tall elephant with a blue bow for the room.

But these ladies should have known that they could have headed over to Corner Stork Baby Gifts and picked up tons of great baby gift ideas and even baby shower favors for a fraction of the cost. Gifts like this 5 piece monkey gift set complete with baby blanket, plush monkeys,and more including a banana rattle! Come on now! It’s a banana rattle! Bet Petit Tresor doesn’t sell banana rattles!

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Hello all, Mr. Christopher checking in. I’d like to take this opportunity to introduce a friend of mine who shares my twisted view on celebrities, bizarre ideologies, and an all-around unusual outlook on life. Susan Hawkins is a professional writer with tons of great wit. You can find her work all over the Internet, and it’s an honor to welcome her input in our small corner of the world. So without further ado, please welcome to our blog, Susan Hawkins.

The operative word is “twisted.” Chris and I do share an uncommon view of the world. I’m Susan, and this is my TWIST–The Way I See Things! I’d like to venture into territory that my good friend, Mr. Christopher, pledged to ignore for a while, and understandably so. Watching the Britney Chronicles unfold is like watching a busload of politicians plunge off a 1,000 ft. cliff. You watch in horror as the bus hurtles toward the earth, but considering the make-up of the passenger list, you don’t feel as deeply sympathetic as you otherwise might, and though you wish something could save them, you know in your heart that the outcome is inevitable.

I couldn’t even decide on a photo of Ms. Spears to include with this rant. The photo of Britney almost dropping her baby makes a good point, as does the shot of her exiting a vehicle with her “drive shaft” showing, and the photo of Miss B’s bald head says something as well–before becoming a mother again, she needs to check into the “Chockful o’Nuts” Hotel for a much-needed brain transplant, after which she must spend six months at a parenting boot camp. I finally decided on the one above right, with Britney showing her dogs the love and affection she should be showering on her two boys. Don’t get me wrong–I’m a passionate dog person, and I treat my dogs like my children, and I would never risk losing them. But there’s something very wrong with a woman (and I use that term extremely loosely) who treats her pets better than her kids.

Oops! I Did It Again!

Well, we don’t know that for sure yet. Some tabloids and blogs contend Britney’s pregnant with Adnan’s spawn. For those of you who ask, “What is she thinking?”–clearly, she’s not. It has become beyond evident over the last few months that Britney doesn’t even want the two beautiful children she already has. A loving, dedicated mother who truly wants to raise her children would have done EVERYTHING possible to get her children back. Missing court dates, incessant partying, attempted kidnapping and all her other stunts add up to the inarguable truth. Not only does she not want her children in her life, she doesn’t deserve them. Period. Buying dozens of baby toys does not a mother make. She’s totally into conceiving those babies, and apparently she doesn’t mind childbirth, but she’s just not up to taking care of them for the next 18 years. She can’t even take her of herself!

So for her own sake, and the sake of any future motherless children she contemplates, Britney needs to do it doggie-style–and by that I mean BRITNEY NEEDS TO BE SPAYED. Just a quick, simple procedure, and Britney will be forever free to live the (potentially very short) life she’s creating for herself. More importantly, no more of her children will have to buy CDs and DVDs to hear their mother’s voice or know what she looks like. With Britney’s little sister following in her big sister’s shaky footsteps, it’s time for some drastic measures.

I’ve Just Begun (Having My Fun!)

I’ve Just Begun is one of Britney’s greatest hits. It’s also her life’s theme song. For better or worse (and I do mean “worse”,) Britney and Jamie Lynn (two perfect poster children for birth control) are role models for millions of young girls who don’t have a clue. They won’t get that Britney doesn’t want her kids because they take a lot more work to raise than she ever imagined. Even with all her money, Britney can’t buy a clue. The sad thing is, when her career is over and her life’s in the toilet, Britney’s kids still won’t have a mom. Spaying Ms. Spears is simply the humane thing to do…

Mr. Christopher from Corner Stork Baby Blog breaking last years resolution to not report on Britney Spears. The reason I made the commitment to ignore entertainment’s most newsworthy pop disaster is because I was trying to keep the craziness to a minimum and create one less headline about her. I was also greatly concerned about her health as a person and about some of the decisions she was making that were harmful to herself, her kids and her wellbeing. And reporters were loving it, clubs were paying her thousands of dollars to come and hang out, and all the while she was on a dead end road to a very bad place. I even received replies to my posts saying that I didn’t know Britney and that I didn’t know what I was talking about and that she has to deal with more than I could ever imagine, blah, blah, blah.

Last night, we were treated to reports that Britney has been hospitalized because she was under the influence of an unknown substance while having custody of her kids and that they had to strap her down because she was completely out of it. She also refused to give up custody of her children back to her ex-husband Kevin Federline. And all of this on the cusp of her missing yet another court ordered appearance regarding the ongoing custody battle. So not only has she broken court dates, but she also broke many of the rules set in place for her custody arrangement. TMZ and CNN also report that she was admitted under medical hold which is laymans terms is a mental watch since they fear that she could be dangerous to herself or others.

So the question remains as to why we need to be so obssessed with this girl? Photographers and reporters are watching her every move, her every decision, her every breakdown, her every car wreck, and every day she doesn’t wear panties. What does the future hold for this girl? If Britney lives through 2008, I will be incredibly surprised. She is on such a scary downward spiral that I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel for her. One would think that the custody scenario would shake her out of it, but it only makes it worse and pushes her further into the quicksand. And there will be no end until she’s dead.

I’m assuming that’s what everyone is waiting for. Is that what everyone wants? Nobody gives a crap about her getting better, regaining custody of her children, the welfare of her children, her own mental welfare or even her overall health. That wouldn’t be a good story, would it? Who wants to read about her recovery and about her getting better? The reporters are obssessed with her car accidents, her partying, her drinking, her drug habits, her pregnant baby sister, her failed marriage and her destructive behavior. I don’t see anyone offering to help her or her children.

So I’m officially making one last effort, one last shout to all of the media and her fans, to reach out to this girl and save her. Her demise is right around the corner. Britney’s death in inevitable. I am trying to get you to understand that she will be “checking out” very soon if someone close to her doesn’t forcefully intervene. I’m only a blogger with no stake in Britney Spears either way and no personal return on investment for this entry. But this will honestly be the last time I implore her friends, family and fans to step in and steer her the other way. Stop taking joy in her demise and watching her self destruct because if she suffers the fate of mortality, you will forever carry a dark cloud as a participant in these events that led to the inevitable death of Britney Spears.

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