Parenting and The End of The World

Mr. Christopher from Corner Stork baby Blog with another crazy list that you all love to get from me.  As crazy as it is to pay someone to take their baby’s photos in the first place, look at how much money was dished out for these celebrity babies;

To start let me make mention of two stars that had babies that did NOT make it into the top 10 even though they are bigger stars than many of these folks below are which is really shocking to me.

12. Sean Preston born to Britney Spears and Kevin Federline is a true shocker that they only got $500K for the babies photos, but once you see the other paychecks in the top 10, you’ll be very surprised. Photo.

11. Kingston born to Gavin Rossdale and Gwen Stefani brought in a paltry $575K. Photo.

And now for the top 10.

10.
Baby’s Name: Maddie Briann Aldridge
Born: June 19, 2008 in Mississippi
Parents: Jamie Lynn Spears and Casey Aldridge
Amount: $1 million from OK! Magazine
Details: Little sister to pop wreck Britney Spears, Jamie Lynn Spears is a star in her own right since she is Zoey in the Disney hit Zoey 101. Surprisingly Disney has stood by their little star amidst all the drama in the Spears lineage and her outbursts to gawkers in airports. They even altered the storylines to the last episodes and sent her off to another country while she had her child. Regardless, Jamie and Casey sold out to OK! Magazine for a reported $1 million dollars (cue the pinky to the corner of your mouth). But it’s still twice as much as her older sister made for her baby.

9.
Baby’s Name: Harlow Winter Kate Madden
Parents: Nicole Richie and Joel Madden
Amount: $1 million from People Magazine
Details: Nicole traded in her “do me” pumps and short skirts to grow up and have a baby with her boyfriend Joel Madden (from Good Charlotte). With her only claim to fame being a party girl, Paris Hilton sidekick and daughter of Top 40 daddy Lionel, she decided that the timing was right to procreate. Lionel paid cash to give the couple a home to call their own as a gift for the baby and People magazine gave them $1 million to take a photo of their offspring. Those 2 baby gifts alone are a pretty good jump start to a baby’s life. Well, anyone’s life actually.

8.
Baby’s Name: Honor Marie Warren
Parents: Jessica Alba & Cash Warren
Amount: $1.5 million from OK! Magazine
Details: Jessica Alba had been toiling over the thought of selling her baby photos, but according to TMZ eventually gave in to OK! magazines $1.5 million dollar offer made to her and husband Cash Warren. Honor’s photos will be her first available anywhere and also includes one other event which could be a birthday, Christmas or any other holiday that the couple chooses in the child’s first year.

7.
Baby’s Name: Max Liron Bratman
Parents: Christina Aguilera & Jordan Bratman
Amount: $1.5 million from People Magazine
Details: Christina did her best to keep her pregnancy a secret like Jennifer Lopez did, but was outed by Paris Hilton at a Los Angeles party where she announced it from the stage. Christina immediately hid her face in embarrassment because that was not the plan. But when has Paris ever stuck to a plan? So the pop star and her beautiful newborn baby appeared on the cover in February of 2008 issue along with a deeper view into the pop princess’s life.

6.
Baby’s Name: Dannielynn Smith
Parents: Anna Nicole Smith & Larry Birkhead
Amount: $2 million from OK! Magazine
Details: Many are still mourning the passing of Anna Nicole Smith, but she left behind one heck of a mess and a custody battle that would be the headline story on both TV and print for months and months to come. When the dust finally settled, Larry Birkhead via a paternity test was finally proven as the father. So he did what any good father would do and cashed in on a $2 million dollar offer from OK! magazine for photos of him and his daughter. Considering that $2 million is chickenfeed for OK!. Compared to the quantity of magazines they sold as a result, they were more than happy to pay for Dannielynn’s college.

5.
Baby’s Name: Pax Thien (post-adoption)
Parents: Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt
Amount: $2 million from People Magazine
Details: Consider that this won’t be the first time you see their name on the list as you read on, but this was the first time they came to the realization that their offspring, even adopted, could bring massive amounts of cash. All of which (here and moving forward) that they would donate to African children’s charities. Pax was adopted by couple Brad and Angie from Vietnam in 2007. They also sold rights to publish the photos to the British magazine Hello! which is the only reason why they took the #5 slot from Dannielynne.

4.
Baby’s Name: Levi Alves McConaughey
Parents: Matthew McConaughey and Camila Alves
Amount: $3 million from OK! Magazine
Details: Matthew McConaughey may look a little lite headed, but he saw the dollar signs right out of the gate and hired Todd Shemarya to broker the deal. Todd’s previous work had included Brad and Angie’s $4 million dollar deal. The baby’s photo will be released for all to see very soon, but since the baby was just born on July 7th, the happy parents are probably holding back for a little bit. But considering the parents genes, there isn’t any possibility of an ugly baby. This offer also includes OK!’s option to take a photo of a future special occasion such as a birthday or other holiday event.

3.
Baby’s Name: Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt
Parents: Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt
Amount: $4.1 million from People Magazine
Details: This was the first baby photos for Brad and Angie showcasing their first official offspring that was biologically theirs. Shiloh was their very first as a couple and many in the industry were surprised that the pockets weren’t a little deeper, but just like in the past (and future), all of the proceeds went to charity. Realistically they should be in slot #2 because they also received $3.5 million from the British tabloid called Hello!

2.
Baby’s Names: Max & Emme Anthony
Parents: Jennifer Lopez & Marc Antony
Amount: $6 million from People Magazine
Details: I don’t think it’s any surprise that we should expect an album from the offspring to be on the Top 40 charts somewhere between 15-20 years from now. And a dozen labels waving money in their faces as they step off the karaoke stage. Inheriting pipes from both mommy and daddy, there should be a lot of singing in these kids future. The twins from Jennifer Lopez and Marc Antony held the number one most expensive celebrity baby photo slot until Brad and Angie’s stepped onto the scene…

1.
Baby’s Names: Knox Leon & Vivienne Marcheline
Parents: Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt
Amount: $11 million from OK! Magazine
Details: Even though the AP reports that this number is $11 million, some reports have it somewhere between $15-20. Admirably enough, the money will go to a charity in Africa and not into their pockets like they have done in the past. Like they need money. But instead of adding more zeros to their bank account, they decided to use it to help those less fortunate. The issue displaying the baby photos (as of this writing) hasn’t been released yet, but we’re definitely interested to see what an $11 million dollar photo shoot looks like. Just make sure you have a nice baby memory book from Corner Stork Baby Gifts to place these photos into.

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Mr. Christopher tuning in.  I’m sorry but I MUST chime in on this ridiculous uproar over the Miley Cyrus photo found in Vanity Fair.  For those uninitiated, here it is.

Now I have 2 daughters, 5 and 12 and another one on the way. This is not kiddie porn and for those that think it is, get a life.  If we were holed away on some Amish farm this may be considered smut, but we’re not.  To start, my daughters will never see this photo except when they plaster it all over the TV because they don’t read Vanity Fair believe it or not.  Secondly, I’ve read this other ridiculous blog post that I won’t even link to insinuating that Disney is trying to turn our daughters into whores.  I personally take offense to that.  That’s a crock of crap and his blog should be revoked for such idiocy.

For those just tuning in, these photos were taken by the world famous photographer Annie Leibovitz, that has taken simply gorgeous photos of world famous musicians and artists like John Lennon, Demi Moore, Sting and on and on.  There was no sexual message in this photo.  It was an artistic endeavor.  Additionally, how many 12 year olds have you seen riding the subway with a copy of Vanity Fair?  Kids don’t read Vanity Fair.  This article was written for adults to give older generations a deeper look into who she is.

And lastly, there’s not one famous artist or musician ANYWHERE that has reached her level of fame that hasn’t taken a photo like this.  This girl is forced to be this poppy teen full of glitter and happy thoughts.  When she finally gets a chance to feel grown up and beautiful, everyone jumps in to take stabs at her.  I for one am thrilled to have someone like Miley and her parents for my daughters to look up to and anyone who says differently obviously has misconceptions of how difficult it is to be famous.  I’ll take Miley over Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan any day of the week.

In a world that needs to be focused on what’s going on with our country with the current election fiascos, terrorism, war, inflation, rising oil prices, and a host of other atrocities, it just amazes me how many lemmings are out there that get so easily sidetracked and derailed for a simple glamour photo.  Miley, just keep doing what you’re doing.  Ignorance may not be blind, but it’s extremely loud.  Put in the earplugs.

Mr. Christopher from the Corner Stork Baby Blog reporting once again. Jamie Lynn Spears and her sister Britney Spears have probably seen more of Hollywood’s dark side than you or I could ever hope to see. And apparently, according to MSNBC, that’s exactly why Jamie Lynn Spears is picking up her pregnant self and heading to LA. That would be Lousiana.

According to the reports, Britney helped to pay $30,000 to build an ocean themed nursery in her home located in the small town of Kentwood, Louisiana for the offspring of Jamie Lynn’s baby to be. Obviously Hollywood has little to offer the Spears family outside of negative press and misery. Most of which is self inflicted. The nursery will be designed by Petit Tresor, the same baby specialty store that designed 3 of Jennifer Lopez’s nurseries. It goes to show that if you got the deep pockets, they can probably get you diapers that change themselves.

So far, Jamie Lynn has picked the “Round Crib at Sea” for a mere $1,150, a “Bliss Nursery Dresser” for a grand and also organic bedding and baby blankets made by Robbie Adrian. Britney also ordered a custom-made, six foot tall elephant with a blue bow for the room.

But these ladies should have known that they could have headed over to Corner Stork Baby Gifts and picked up tons of great baby gift ideas and even baby shower favors for a fraction of the cost. Gifts like this 5 piece monkey gift set complete with baby blanket, plush monkeys,and more including a banana rattle! Come on now! It’s a banana rattle! Bet Petit Tresor doesn’t sell banana rattles!

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Hello all, Mr. Christopher checking in. I’d like to take this opportunity to introduce a friend of mine who shares my twisted view on celebrities, bizarre ideologies, and an all-around unusual outlook on life. Susan Hawkins is a professional writer with tons of great wit. You can find her work all over the Internet, and it’s an honor to welcome her input in our small corner of the world. So without further ado, please welcome to our blog, Susan Hawkins.

The operative word is “twisted.” Chris and I do share an uncommon view of the world. I’m Susan, and this is my TWIST–The Way I See Things! I’d like to venture into territory that my good friend, Mr. Christopher, pledged to ignore for a while, and understandably so. Watching the Britney Chronicles unfold is like watching a busload of politicians plunge off a 1,000 ft. cliff. You watch in horror as the bus hurtles toward the earth, but considering the make-up of the passenger list, you don’t feel as deeply sympathetic as you otherwise might, and though you wish something could save them, you know in your heart that the outcome is inevitable.

I couldn’t even decide on a photo of Ms. Spears to include with this rant. The photo of Britney almost dropping her baby makes a good point, as does the shot of her exiting a vehicle with her “drive shaft” showing, and the photo of Miss B’s bald head says something as well–before becoming a mother again, she needs to check into the “Chockful o’Nuts” Hotel for a much-needed brain transplant, after which she must spend six months at a parenting boot camp. I finally decided on the one above right, with Britney showing her dogs the love and affection she should be showering on her two boys. Don’t get me wrong–I’m a passionate dog person, and I treat my dogs like my children, and I would never risk losing them. But there’s something very wrong with a woman (and I use that term extremely loosely) who treats her pets better than her kids.

Oops! I Did It Again!

Well, we don’t know that for sure yet. Some tabloids and blogs contend Britney’s pregnant with Adnan’s spawn. For those of you who ask, “What is she thinking?”–clearly, she’s not. It has become beyond evident over the last few months that Britney doesn’t even want the two beautiful children she already has. A loving, dedicated mother who truly wants to raise her children would have done EVERYTHING possible to get her children back. Missing court dates, incessant partying, attempted kidnapping and all her other stunts add up to the inarguable truth. Not only does she not want her children in her life, she doesn’t deserve them. Period. Buying dozens of baby toys does not a mother make. She’s totally into conceiving those babies, and apparently she doesn’t mind childbirth, but she’s just not up to taking care of them for the next 18 years. She can’t even take her of herself!

So for her own sake, and the sake of any future motherless children she contemplates, Britney needs to do it doggie-style–and by that I mean BRITNEY NEEDS TO BE SPAYED. Just a quick, simple procedure, and Britney will be forever free to live the (potentially very short) life she’s creating for herself. More importantly, no more of her children will have to buy CDs and DVDs to hear their mother’s voice or know what she looks like. With Britney’s little sister following in her big sister’s shaky footsteps, it’s time for some drastic measures.

I’ve Just Begun (Having My Fun!)

I’ve Just Begun is one of Britney’s greatest hits. It’s also her life’s theme song. For better or worse (and I do mean “worse”,) Britney and Jamie Lynn (two perfect poster children for birth control) are role models for millions of young girls who don’t have a clue. They won’t get that Britney doesn’t want her kids because they take a lot more work to raise than she ever imagined. Even with all her money, Britney can’t buy a clue. The sad thing is, when her career is over and her life’s in the toilet, Britney’s kids still won’t have a mom. Spaying Ms. Spears is simply the humane thing to do…

Mr. Christopher from Corner Stork Baby Blog breaking last years resolution to not report on Britney Spears. The reason I made the commitment to ignore entertainment’s most newsworthy pop disaster is because I was trying to keep the craziness to a minimum and create one less headline about her. I was also greatly concerned about her health as a person and about some of the decisions she was making that were harmful to herself, her kids and her wellbeing. And reporters were loving it, clubs were paying her thousands of dollars to come and hang out, and all the while she was on a dead end road to a very bad place. I even received replies to my posts saying that I didn’t know Britney and that I didn’t know what I was talking about and that she has to deal with more than I could ever imagine, blah, blah, blah.

Last night, we were treated to reports that Britney has been hospitalized because she was under the influence of an unknown substance while having custody of her kids and that they had to strap her down because she was completely out of it. She also refused to give up custody of her children back to her ex-husband Kevin Federline. And all of this on the cusp of her missing yet another court ordered appearance regarding the ongoing custody battle. So not only has she broken court dates, but she also broke many of the rules set in place for her custody arrangement. TMZ and CNN also report that she was admitted under medical hold which is laymans terms is a mental watch since they fear that she could be dangerous to herself or others.

So the question remains as to why we need to be so obssessed with this girl? Photographers and reporters are watching her every move, her every decision, her every breakdown, her every car wreck, and every day she doesn’t wear panties. What does the future hold for this girl? If Britney lives through 2008, I will be incredibly surprised. She is on such a scary downward spiral that I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel for her. One would think that the custody scenario would shake her out of it, but it only makes it worse and pushes her further into the quicksand. And there will be no end until she’s dead.

I’m assuming that’s what everyone is waiting for. Is that what everyone wants? Nobody gives a crap about her getting better, regaining custody of her children, the welfare of her children, her own mental welfare or even her overall health. That wouldn’t be a good story, would it? Who wants to read about her recovery and about her getting better? The reporters are obssessed with her car accidents, her partying, her drinking, her drug habits, her pregnant baby sister, her failed marriage and her destructive behavior. I don’t see anyone offering to help her or her children.

So I’m officially making one last effort, one last shout to all of the media and her fans, to reach out to this girl and save her. Her demise is right around the corner. Britney’s death in inevitable. I am trying to get you to understand that she will be “checking out” very soon if someone close to her doesn’t forcefully intervene. I’m only a blogger with no stake in Britney Spears either way and no personal return on investment for this entry. But this will honestly be the last time I implore her friends, family and fans to step in and steer her the other way. Stop taking joy in her demise and watching her self destruct because if she suffers the fate of mortality, you will forever carry a dark cloud as a participant in these events that led to the inevitable death of Britney Spears.

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Mr. Christopher here from the Corner Stork blog. Ok, long story short. Ok Magazine reports that Britney Spears was at a Beverly Hills hotel with a bunch of her girlfriends after the hearing in which she lost visitation rights to her boys until November 26th. While at the hotel, one of her girlfriends said, “Don’t worry. You’ll get her kids back.” What was Britney’s response? “I don’t give a sh*t. I never wanted them in the first place.”

Oh……My…….God.

I think we’re at a breaking point where this chick has so much coverage that we all will know how many squares of toilet paper she uses after she tinkles. But maybe we’re finding out way too much about this girls character. Some women have maternal instincts, but this girl has some sort of jungle thing going on. Mate, drop baby in field, move on. She is shown showing more concern for her little dogs than she does for her kids.

So what has she done to offset this situation? She’s been singing and dancing in her car, smiling non-stop, shopping like crazy and exclaimed, “I am SO happy” in front of swells of people in a Malibu parking lot. Additionally she’s out partying with her sister Jamie Lynn (who also stars on Nickelodeon’s Zoey101) where they were out so late that they miss her first visitation with her kids. She shows no concern whether or not she see sher kids and is much happier when they aren’t around and that may be the best thing right now. Especially when she’s on her cell phone during most of her visitations.

I personally think this girl has lost her mind. She was not ready to be a parent and simply was not ready to make the move from mega-superstar to Mommy. But once you make that decision, there’s no turning back. She desperately needs intervention because 5 years down the road she’s going to realize how big of a mistake she’s making by practically disowning her kids. Just because you have somewhere to store your children while you get your groove on does not make it right. She’s going to have a rude awakening and when she does, she’s going to have a complete and total breakdown. She is in some sort of complete denial as if she doesn’t even want to be reminded of her kids or her situation. If the boys are out of sight, they are out of mind and that is not good. Ignorance is bliss. On top of that, she is going to hit rock bottom when she comes to that realization.

When I started covering this, I thought I would just be declaring another bizarre Britney incident, but the more I look at this, the more concerned I am that she is going to self destruct. I shouldn’t even care, but being a parent causes me to view this in a different light. Thank God that the boys have a semi-stable place to be during her breakdown. They need to be kept out of harm’s way because Britney is a ticking time bomb. Dr. Phil says we should keep her on “suicide watch”. I couldn’t agree more.

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Mr. Chris from Corner Stork Baby Gifts with some surprising information. Apparently, TMZ and the Britney clan are reportedly planning on Britney Spears to make an appearance on this weekends Emmy’s.  Why in the world would she do that after her craptastic performance on the VMA’s?

According to the Spears camp, she is doing so not to perform, but to make an apology for her performance. But my question is, why even waste your time?  What would you even say? “I want to apologize for my drunken antics at last weeks VMA’s. Love me and take me back again.”

Am I the only one who thinks this is a very bad idea? Haven’t her kids suffered enough having to watch their mother stumble around stage in her underwear?

 Update 12-11-2007: The video on Youtube was moved.  I found another. Enjoy.

Mr. Christopher once again. You know, I typically like to spread the news out, but sometimes the quality of material is so scathing you just have to let go. Many of you have heard, but I like to break news after it’s broken and put my spin on it. After Britney’s horrid performance, one would expect that her PR people would figure out some spin on it and sure enough Sarah Silverman is the official scape goat.

According to X17Online.com, Britney overheard Sarah’s monologue that referred to Britney’s kids as “the cutest mistakes ever”. Britney after hearing the monologue went literally ballistic and threatened to not do the performance at all. Her friends insisted that she go ahead and do the show as planned. Britney was a little tipsy, but it’s reported that most of the awkwardness everyone saw was unfiltered rage at the words that were about to come out of Silverman’s mouth about her kids and her mind racing a mile a minute. Click here or on Sarah’s picture to see her monologue.

Well, I’m going to take the stance of “I don’t buy that.” If anyone has seen the video of the performance, that was a “I am wasted and can’t keep my balance and have forgotten the words to my song” performance. Needless to say, Britney has vowed never to appear on MTV again if Sarah made comments about her kids and forbid her to ever mention her kids again. MTV agreed that it was over the top of acceptable, but at that point it was too late since Sarah had already done her monologue.

So it appears that Britney officially has found a way out of that awful performance by shifting everyone’s focus to Sarah Silverman. It’s ingenious. Now if we could just forget how she leaves her kids with nannies for days at a time while she goes out to get drunk and hangs out at clubs, dresses in skimpy underwear writhing around on stage using profanity laced in her songs and even came on stage at MTV with the intro “It’s Britney, B*tch”.

Everyone makes Sarah the scapegoat here, but she was doing her job which was to be ruthless and scathing. They don’t hire her for family friendly entertainment. Additionally, she didn’t make any stabs at the kids, she made the stabs at Britney and the bad decisions that she’s made. If Britney isn’t ready to parent her children and they are interfering with her partying, then there’s no case here. As a parent of 3, I can tell you, once you have kids, the party is over. They require and need to have your undivided attention if you want them to be productive citizens. Or you could just let Hollywood raise your kids and hope that works out. Britney chose the latter. Was Sarah cruel and heartless? Absolutely, but that’s why she’s paid the big bucks. That’s just my point of view.

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Hello all, Mr. Chris from Corner Stork once again breinging you the latest and greatest tidbits of mankind that you may actually want to hear. We refer to it as dirt. Well, for those interested in true love, what more could you ask for? TMZ.com reports that the documents are official, Britney Spears is now single. And so is K-Fed for that matter, for all of the lovely ladies. And why wouldn’t you be thrilled gentlemen?! For those that just can’t seem to pick the right ones and they turn psycho on you, why should today be any different?

Gentlemen, start your engines. We have a beautiful crazy lady with 2 kids, she’s psycho, she used to be a Disney doll, she had radio hits that your kids, nieces, nephews or grandkids probably danced to, she’s shaved herself bald, she’s frequently seen pantie-free with a guarantee of photographic proof when she does, she loves Starbuck’s, she likes to skinny dip in front of the photographers, you’ll enjoy loads of company literally everywhere you go and did I mention she’s rich? What is there not to love?

But we haven’t forgotten you ladies! He’s handsome, he’s got a internationally released rap album called……an internationally released rap album, he’s got a “guaranteed pregnancy” rating of 9.4 out of 10, he’s been married multiple times so he knows what he’s doing and who doesn’t love a little scratchy scruff that will one day be a beard? It’s K-the mighty man-Fed!

We see all of you foaming at the thought of capturing the hearts of one of these newly available citizens of society. So make that first step and order your wedding favors today!

Nothing says I love you like a baseball cap for your beautiful blushing bride. It says, “Cover up that bald Kojak head when we go to meet my parents.”

Mr. Christopher here from your Corner Stork gossip column.  Well, you’re hearing it here first, straight from TMZ.com that Britney Spears has endangered her child yet again!  If you’ve been paying attention, this is very bad timing for Britney since ex-hubby Keven Federline is actively talking to lawyers about obtaining custody of his kids and getting DangerMom away from them.  We could go back as far as when she was seen driving with the child in her lap or as recent as her boat outing without life jackets on the kids, but leave it to Britney to hammer yet another nail into her custody coffin.

This time, being the motherly person she is, she allowed a security officer to hold her child for her.  Ok, any Moms out there that trust someone else with your child more than you trust yourself?  Didn’t think so.  According to the report from TMZ.com,  “The bodyguard, Julio Camera, nicknamed J.C., allegedly attacked the photographer from behind after the lensman accidentally bumped Brit’s older son, Sean. J.C. is accused of laying the beating on him while he was on the ground, as Wynn Hotel personnel rushed to pull the overzealous hire-a-thug off the lensman.  The photographer was treated for his injuries and charges will likely be filed.”

What did Britney then do? According to the LA Police report, Britney is filing a crime report on behalf of her child.  The report states that Britney claims that the photographer “battered both Mr. Camera and Ms. Spears’ child, who was at that time being held by the security officer.”

Ok ladies.  I’ll explain something to you.  If you’re about to be in a custody case and may lose your kids, don’t file paperwork that states that your child was in danger or “battered”.  This is easily the dumbest move anyone could possibly make.  Let the bodyguard take the heat, but leave the kids name off of the reports.  Anyone see any signs of intelligence here?  Me neither.

Meanwhile, head over to Corner Stork Baby Gifts and pick up these great “Nobody Puts Baby In a Corner” bodysuits.  These are unbelievably cute and a must have for any Dirty Dancing fans.